


Time After Time

by ceasarette



Category: True Love (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 13:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5050876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceasarette/pseuds/ceasarette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She thought of everything that happened today, and she felt like raging against the unfairness of it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time After Time

“Who genuinely finds love at my age and stays with someone forever?” Karen asks dejectedly. “It doesn’t happen.” Society has made that generalization, and although Karen does not agree, she doesn’t really have any evidence to contradict that. She wants to prove them wrong, though, and she knows she can.

“Well, it’s a tricky age,” Holly answers, and Karen fights to keep from sighing out her disappointment. “I think you’ll find it,” the teacher adds consolingly, and Karen keeps her eyes down, her face a careful mask of attentiveness. The teacher’s next words surprised her, though. “I mean, ultimately, its friendship, isn’t it?”

Karen broke out in a smile because it was as if the teacher reached into her mind and plucked the thought from her. It was gratifying to know that an adult shares her opinion, even more so when it is someone like Holly. Still smiling, Karen nods and adds, “That’s what I want. I want a real friendship with someone who I can trust with all my secrets, my weird habits and my nerdy little things and they’ll still love me for it.” For a moment, she worries that she might have said too much when she sees Holly bite her lip. But Holly brushes the hair wildly flying on her face, and smiles at her. She realized that was the first time she’s ever seen the teacher smile, really smile, not the automatic smile that she sees on Holly at school. It was beautiful and it made Karen’s heart beat erratically and her stomach flips. She can feel her cheeks heating, and she desperately wants to hide the blush from the teacher, but she stubbornly keeps the eye contact. After a moment, the teacher looks away to stare at the waves crashing into the shore.

“That’s what I want, too”, Holly said softly. The crashing waves almost made it impossible for Karen to catch the words, but their close proximity helped. Unsure what to say, Karen reached out and gently squeezed Holly’s shoulder before pulling her hand away quickly. Surprised, Holly turned to the younger woman, but Karen was already staring off into the horizon. For a moment Holly thought she imagined it, but she could still feel some of the lingering warmth and comfort of the brief touch. Holly could see a gentle blush on Karen’s face before Karen turned back to her and smiled. It was gentle and reassuring smile, that even though there were no words, Holly knows what it said. She smiled back, and then turned to stare at the sea again.

They stayed like that for a long moment, sitting side by side, their hands almost touching, eyes looking at nothing in particular on the horizon, silent and lost in their thoughts. It went on for quite some time, and although they were wrapped in a comfortable silence, Karen was beginning to worry that she was boring the older woman. She desperately racked her brain for something to say, something that the teacher would find interesting. Before she could come up with something to say, though, Holly broke the silence. “How are you doing at school?” It was an innocent question, and Karen dissected it carefully in her head, but the teacher sounded genuinely interested.

“I do okay. I think.” Karen answered cautiously, still unsure what to say. But the teacher turned to her and raised an eyebrow at the words. Karen grinned at her. “What?” she asked innocently. Holly just kept looking at her, until a mere three second later she added, “It’s boring.” Holly only rolled her eyes at the younger girl, but her lips were stretched in a smile. “Okay, not all of it is boring. I find some stuff at school good and interesting. But some it is just plain boring. I don’t see the point of it.” Karen ventured boldly. She was relieved to see that although Holly was shaking her head, she still had her smile. “I mean, really. I plan to stay away from any career that involves numbers or computing or accounting in the future, so I don’t see the point of knowing all these complicated formulas. Numbers make me cranky.” Karen finished her rant.

A giggle broke through the crash of the waves, and Karen froze. She looked sideways to the teacher, and her suspicion was confirmed. Holly was laughing. At her. She wanted to feel irritated at being laughed at, but the glorious sound of the older woman’s laughter tugged at her heart until she could feel her lips straining to smile. She managed to hold off, though, and somehow schooled her face into a scowl.

Holly stopped laughing when she saw the younger woman scowling, biting her lip to stop the laughter bubbling inside of her, then bringing her hand to cover her mouth for good measure. She willed herself to stop laughing, even though Karen’s adorable scowl made it difficult. When she felt somewhat calmed, she dropped her hand and tried to look contrite. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t very nice of me.” Holly hoped she sounded apologetic enough. But Karen only huffed, and Holly broke into giggles again. This time, however, Karen joined her in her laughter, and they both spent the next few minutes giggling. When the laughter finally died down, Holly looked at Karen again, still smiling and asked again, “But you’re doing okay, right? At school?”

Karen couldn’t help it when she felt her heart melt at the concern she heard in the question. With a slow smile, she answered, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m doing okay.” Holly seemed satisfied with her answer, and nodded before looking away into the sea again. But Karen kept looking at the teacher, mesmerized by the beauty of the woman in front of her. Holly had given up tucking the loose hair on her ear, and soft strands were flying wildly around her face. The sun made Holly’s skin glow and Karen can see the gentle tilt of her nose closely, the long eyelashes adorning her teacher’s eyes, and the smile lines on the side of her lips. Karen wished she brought along an art book so she could capture this carefree moment. And she was surprised to realize that she wanted to reach out and trace her finger along that smile, to know what that smile feels like on her finger. Shaking herself mentally from her thoughts, she looked away from the beautiful temptation in front of her. “You mentioned you’ve travelled before. How far did you get?”

“I got to India.” Holly said with a hint of pride. She gave a small laugh at the look of surprise on her student’s face. “Yeah, I didn’t think I’d get that far, either. I almost drained my account to get there, but I did.”

“Wow!” Karen exclaimed and Holly smiled again.

“I know. India was beautiful, possibly one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. Everything was so different from home, you know?” Holly had a sparkle in her eyes from the memories. “The weather, the sounds, the smells. There were colours everywhere. The people were quite lovely and welcoming. They have such rich and deep culture that is just fascinating!” The teacher’s face was alive with emotions now, her mind taking her back to that place and time. She looked at Karen again and smiled. “It was like living in a painting, in an artwork.”

Karen smiled at the description, too. She can see it in her mind, warm, beautiful India, and Holly looking happy and content in its midst. “It sounds lovely. How long did you stay there?”

“It really was. That’s why I stayed for two months. Mind you, I had to find a part time job to support myself there and afford a ticket back home, but it was worth it. I moved to a boarding house that had a communal loo and bath, and one of the renters there told me of a job as an English tutor and that was what I did until I earned enough to get a ticket back home.” Holly finished her tale with another smile. She was inexplicably happy when she saw that Karen was paying close attention to her story and didn’t seem to be bored by it.

Karen’s face was a mask of concentration, as if trying to picture the scene in her mind, trying to see what Holly saw. Her big blue eyes had a gleam, and her lips curved slightly as she started to see the picture Holly was painting until it became a full-blown smile. Then Karen raised her eyes to her, and when their eyes met, Holly had the perturbing feeling of falling, as if she took an unknowing step into a ravine and now she has no hope. Something in Holly shifted, and for a moment there was nothing else except those big, blue pools. She started to feel heady and she was surprised to find that she was holding her breath and her heart was pounding out of her chest that it was wonder how Karen didn’t hear it. She gasped and the rush of cold air hitting her lungs woke her up from her stupor. Now that her mind had somehow cleared, she could hear the sound of alarm that she first heard when Karen first asked her to the exhibit going off in her mind. She looked away into the horizon again, and kept her eyes there even she felt the younger woman shift beside her. She took a few deep breaths and tried to calm her wildly beating heart. After she felt calm enough, she turned back to the other girl, glad to find that Karen wasn’t looking at her still because she wasn’t sure if she was ready to see those eyes again. Holly mentally prepared her get-away speech, ‘Well, it’s getting late. I must be going; I have to grade some papers for school tomorrow.’ But when she opened her mouth, what came out was “I’m starving! Shall we get something to eat?”

They found a Fish and Chips place near the beach, and Holly insisted on paying for their food but Karen had sneakily paid for their drinks. They took their food to a picnic table nearby, medium spicy for Karen and regular for Holly, and sat across each other and dug into their food. They shared smiles and spatter of conversation the entire time, but it was light and carefree and nothing too serious. Holly was glad of it, because half of her mind was still on that disconcerting feeling she had back at the beach. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt like that, and she has a sinking feeling that it doesn’t bode well.

“Would you like to try some of my chips?” Karen’s voice kept her from getting lost in her thoughts. The younger woman offered with a smile, shifting her paper plate towards Holly. The teacher eyed the slightly orange fried potato on Karen’s plate with apprehension. “Aw, come on. It’s not horrible, really. It’s only a bit spicy.” Karen encouraged, careful not to laugh at the adorable expression of doubt on the older woman’s face. “Look, there’s a shop right there. I’ll run and get you milk if it’s really too spicy for you.” Karen added sweetly.

“Oh, fine. But just one.” Holly gave in, and she was rewarded by an accomplished smile from Karen. She reached in and forked the smallest bit of the potato she could find, and took a tentative bite. “Oh, this isn’t so bad.” Holly admitted after she finished her first bite and finished the rest of the spicy treat. She saw Karen relax and smiled proudly.

“See?” To her credit, Karen didn’t laugh at her earlier nervousness. She slid her plate towards the centre of the table. “Here, you can have some more, if you want,” she offered as she forked a piece fish and took a bite of it. To her surprise, Holly pushed her plate to the centre, too, positioning it beside Karen’s plate. They were sharing their food with each other after that, Holly taking chips from Karen’s plate a few times and Karen helping herself to some of the fish fillets on Holly’s plate.

Holly had just taken another bite of the spicy chip dipped in ketchup when she heard Karen giggle. “You’ve got a bit of – “the younger woman gestured on her face. Holly blushed as she raised her hand quickly to her face, seeking out the offending smear. “No, you just missed it. Here,” Karen reached out and before Holly can stop her, she felt the soft touch of the student’s fingers on the side of her lips. Karen’s touch was sure, but so soft and gentle, and warm. Holly froze and she felt that feeling again. Karen’s finger lingered for a second, before withdrawing and Holly wasn’t sure if the accidental bump of hands that happened after was entirely accidental. She could see Karen shifting on her seat; Karen’s eyes were down, looking at the hand that touched Holly with an intensity that was surprising for someone so young. When she raised her eyes and met Holly’s, a blush bloomed on her cheeks and Holly could feel an answering warmth on hers. As if of one mind, they both quickly looked down again. It was another second before they both moved, as if suddenly propelled by some unseen force to do something. Holly reached out for her water bottle and slowly drank from it, taking extra care not to gulp the liquid down or spill anything out while Karen picked up her fork and started stabbing one piece of chip after the other and bringing it to her mouth. After recapping her bottle, Holly followed suit and for the next few minutes, they both worked on their food wordlessly and without looking at each other. When there was only a single piece of fish left, Karen used her fork to cut it in half, carefully pushing the bigger half to Holly with her fork, before picking up her piece and eating it. Holly bit her lip at the gesture and she, too, ate the last piece. They sat there for a few minutes more, both painfully aware of the tension around them but unsure what to do about it.

“I’m – “

“Do you – “

Both chose the exact moment to break the silence between them, and as expected, they both stopped abruptly. There was an awkward and tense few seconds when they caught each other’s eyes, before simultaneously bursting into laughter. And just like that, the tension lifted away.

“I was just wondering if you’re done?” Holly asked when the laughter died down, gesturing at the empty plates on the table.

“Oh. Oh, yeah.” Karen started picking up the paper plates. “Did you want something else?” she asked Holly as she stood up.

“No, I’m okay. You?” Holly stood up as well, picking up the bits of napkin on the table and stated wiping the crumbs off the table with it.

“I’m okay, thanks.” Karen replied. When Holly finished cleaning up, they both walked towards the bin and dumped their plates and napkins in. The stood facing each other silently, unsure now what to do, only that they didn’t want the day to end just yet. “Would you like to take a walk?” Karen asked shyly.

Holly can hear the mental alarm again, but she can see the how hopeful and eager Karen is, and they had been having a lovely time. “I’d love to.”

So they started walking, falling in step beside each other comfortably, as if they’ve done it a million times before. They walked in silence for a few minutes, content to give each other some time with their thoughts. But Karen was determined to bring back the easy flow of conversation they had before her bold move. So she started asking questions, occasionally adding something to Holly’s answers. At first it was only Karen leading the conversation, asking questions and Holly would be answer honestly. But after several minutes, Holly started asking questions of her own, showing her interest in Karen’s answers, and actively joining in the conversation. Slowly, they filled the silence with words softly spoken, and eventually shared a few laughs. By the time they came across a bench quite a ways away from the fish and chips place, they had brought back the easy camaraderie they had back at the beach. Without skipping a beat, they claimed the bench and copied their earlier position at the gallery, facing each other with their bags between them.

The conversation flowed between them, their earlier awkwardness left behind and forgotten. The bench was in a secluded area, so they were undisturbed and the sound of the waves from the distant beach reaching them once in a while with the sea breeze it brings in gave their little area a very relaxing feel to it. Each new fact they learn about each other is promptly tucked into the confines of their minds, to be examined later. With each new joke they shared Holly felt herself relaxing, until she finally turned off her mental alarm and stopped filtering her answers. She answered Karen’s questions as honestly as she could, and it was liberating. Karen, for her part, is an excellent conversationalist. She asked thought-provoking questions and gave honest and deep answers which Holly found equally refreshing and surprising. She would look at Holly with such focus and concentration that Holly found unnerving at first, but has come to like the longer they talk. The younger woman has a surprisingly profound mind, for someone so young. Holly can tell that Karen is a smart young woman whose mind works differently from other people her age, she could tell as much based on Karen’s stories in class. Those stories provided a glimpse into Karen’s mind, but talking to her was like unlocking a great big room full of surprises. Every little thing they learned about each other made them respect and admire the other person more, and they carefully added those little tidbits into the puzzle that is the other woman. They talked about everything and anything. Karen asked about Holly’s dad, and Holly told her of how he would always surprise her at school every time he comes home from the military. Karen talked about how much she loves her mother, but she can’t blame her dad for leaving. They talked about their favourite books, Holly’s is the Harry Potter series (Prisoner of Azkaban when Karen pressed) and Karen’s is Jane Eyre. They found out that they have the same Saturday morning ritual, sleep in late and then spend some time online. Karen admitted with a blush, that she likes writing and painting equally and Holly shares more of her time in India.

They were on one of the lulls of comfortable silence, taking a breather from laughing at Karen’s antics about copying The Mad Hatter on Alice in Wonderland when Holly’s phone buzzed. She threw an apologetic smile toward Karen as she read the message. Distracted, Holly quickly typed out a reply for her mother when she caught a glimpse of the time.

“Oh my gosh! It’s almost eight!” Holly exclaimed, surprise evident in her tone and her face. She looked at Karen, who also checked her phone for the time.

“Wow. It is.” Karen said simply, already regretting that this day would have to end soon.

“I’m so sorry,” Holly started fidgeting again, unceremoniously dumping her phone into her bag, along with the various pens that had somehow gotten out. She watched as Karen picked up her bag as well. “I didn’t notice the time. I should have kept track of it.” Holly wouldn’t meet Karen’s eyes, looking at the ground instead.

Karen frowned when the edgy demeanour of the teacher returned. Now that she’s seen the relaxed side of the teacher, she doesn’t like seeing Holly be upset anymore. “I didn’t notice, too.” Karen said simply, frowning when the teacher wouldn’t look at her, her mind working double time to come up with something to say that would make Holly feel better. “It’s true what they say, isn’t it? That time flies when you’re enjoying yourself.” She slowly stood up and Holly followed suit, but she still wouldn’t look at Karen. “Hey,” Karen finally called out. She stopped, and faced the teacher, intending to take Holly’s hand to get her attention but she thought better of it. Holly finally looked up when she noticed that Karen had not taken a step with her. “I had a wonderful time today.” Karen started when she saw that she had Holly’s attention. “I never… I never thought I’d have so much fun just talking with someone, but I really did. And I have you to thank for that. I only hope that I didn’t bore you too much.” Karen made sure to hold the eye contact they had as she finished and held her breath as she waited for the teacher to say something.

Holly gave her a shy smile. “I had a wonderful time, too. You didn’t bore me at all. You… Well, talking to you was – is really nice.” The simple words were enough to make Karen’s heart beat wildly and she wanted desperately to grin like a fool.

They started walking back, picking up where their conversation left off until they got to the bus stop. They only stopped talking when they got into the bus, which was almost full and they had to take the last separate seats available.

In the silence by herself, Holly finally had the chance to think about how the day has gone. She wasn’t lying, she had a wonderful time. She couldn’t remember the last time she spent the day just sitting there and talking with someone, nor of when she felt so relaxed doing so. This certainly had been a very nice date.

Holly froze. She just thought of this as a date. With Karen. With her student. Her smile suddenly disappeared, and she rubbed her hand on her face. What has she done? All the happiness and all the good feeling and thought she had about the day vanished as the enormity of the situation dawned on her. She suddenly felt claustrophobic in the bus, and she couldn’t wait to get off and escape.

Holly wanted desperately to cry, because it’s not fair. It’s not fair that she just spent an amazing day with a younger girl who made her forget the time, someone who she feels she can be herself around with. It’s not fair that that girl has given her more attention than anyone in her life. It’s not fair that that girl seems to genuinely want to know more about her, about how she feels and wants her to be happy, unlike married, cheating David who can’t be bothered to spend one night with her. It’s not fair that she wants more days like this, because she hasn’t felt this free and this happy - this fucking giddy - in her life. It’s not fair that the girl making her this happy is the one person who shouldn’t make her feel any of the feelings that surfaced today. It’s not fair that she knows that there can never be days like this again, that this should not happen, that this is over before it even begun. Holly thought that she knew what a broken heart feels like. She thought she feels it every time David would leave to go back to his family. But this is different. This is nothing like that, and that only makes Holly feel worse. She couldn’t quite stop the single tear that escaped from her eye, so she bowed her head to wipe it discreetly, biting her lip to keep from sobbing. She was desperate to get away, and it was a relief when she saw the old familiar building because she knows her stop is just around the corner, and her flat is only a few more minutes away, where she can be alone in her thoughts. She gave herself a few seconds before turning around to Karen. “I’m off on this stop.” Holly hoped she sounded nothing like she felt, but she only allowed a second to look into Karen’s eyes before turning around again and gathering her bag. When the bus stopped, she wordlessly stood up and without looking back, she stepped out. She barely just stopped herself from looking back, from searching for the younger woman in the bus and giving her another smile. A smile that can hopefully communicate what she can’t say out loud, gratefulness for the wonderful day and an apology for a callous and abrupt ending. Instead, she kept walking with her head down.

“Wait!” A breathless call rang out and Holly stopped. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning around.

“Karen.” Her voice wavered, so Holly cleared her throat. “I thought your place was further down. What’s wrong?” Holly asked, genuine concern flooding through her.

“It is, further down, I mean. I just…” Karen suddenly couldn’t look at her, and she scuffed her foot on the ground. “I wanted to make sure you get home okay.” Karen mumbled, not looking at Holly and kicking an invisible stone on the ground.

Holly had unconsciously moved closer to Karen to hear what she said. Her heart skipped a beat despite herself and she bit her lip again. Karen was doing all the right things and Holly added that to the list of things that were not fair. She was not aware that she exhaled loudly until Karen looked up to her with questioning eyes. “That’s really sweet of you, Karen. But my flat is just around the corner. I’ll be fine.” Holly knew she can sound a bit firmer, but it was all she can manage, and she softened the blow with a smile.

“I just wanted to make sure.” Karen insisted stubbornly, determination shining in her eyes. Her eyes drifted off the side for a second, as if she was thinking about something, before meeting Holly’s eyes again. “Are you okay?” she asked, softly this time. “Did something happen in there, in the bus?” She added, uncertainly.

Holly took another deep breath, her fingers playing with the straps of her bag. “I’m fine, Karen.” She couldn’t meet Karen’s questioning gaze. “I just… I’m tired. I just realized it.” The excuse was lousy, but Holly doesn’t care anymore.

“Let me walk you home.” Karen said in a clear voice. “Please.”

The urge to cry was so strong it was all Holly could do not to give in. She blinked her eyes and swallowed a few times to fight off the tears. She thought of everything that happened today, and she felt like raging against the unfairness of it all. That rage gave her the strength to smile at Karen and say “Okay.”

With that they started walking towards her flat. The silence between them was different this time. Despite having been told otherwise, Karen knows something happened in the bus, something inside Holly’s mind and it changed her. The entire time she watched as Holly’s shoulders slumped more and more, as if every mile added more weight to carry. She wanted to reach out and find out what the older woman was thinking, but the bus was crowded. Now she doesn’t know how to approach the teacher, unsure how she would be received. She was so deep in thought that she didn’t notice that Holly had slowed down and was taking small steps. She looked up and saw that they were only a few more steps from the main door of a building that she guessed was where Holly lived. “You know.. You can talk to me about anything. Whatever it is.” Karen finally said as nonchalantly as she could, eyes on the ground and feet moving slowly.

“Oh, Karen.” Holly said, and there was something on her voice that made Karen look up. But Holly only gave her a sad smile. “Thank you.”

Karen faced Holly. She doesn’t know why, but her heart is suddenly beating faster than it has ever gone. She found it difficult to look at the other woman in the eyes, but she did. When she felt soft, warm hands wrapping around hers she couldn’t help the gasp that escaped from her lips and she blushed. Impossibly, her heart beat even faster.

“I had a wonderful time today, Karen. Thank you for inviting me.” Holly said simply, giving the soft hand in hers a gentle squeeze. She smiled when she felt an answering squeeze.

Karen fought against the effects of Holly’s nearness and tried to come up with something to say. But she was lost in the brown eyes, in the warm hands, and in the end, all she could say, in a voice that seemed different from hers is, “You’re welcome. I enjoyed myself, too.” The warm hands were starting to loosen their hold, and Karen held them tighter in hers, giving them one last squeeze. Holly smiled at her and squeezed back, harder. Then she let go. 

“Be careful going home.” Holly reminded the younger girl, worry evidence in her voice. Karen nodded. “Good night, Karen.”

“Good night.” One last smile and Karen turned around and started walking away.

Holly made herself watch as Karen walked away, heart breaking as she says a silent goodbye. Each step seemed to take everything in Karen to make, and Holly was surprised to realize that Karen’s slumped shoulders were painful to look at. She didn’t think she had anything left in her, but she found herself calling out, “Karen! Wait,” She rummaged through her bag, looking for the case that contained the cards the school printed out for everyone at the start of the school year. She only looked up to check if Karen heard her, smiled when the younger woman turned around and started walking back. Holly found the case, her hands too unstable and the cards flowed out when she opened it. Uncaring, she picked out one and started feeling in her bag for a pen while taking steps to meet Karen halfway. Finally wrestling the pen out of her bag, Holly quickly scribbled something down on the back of her card. When Karen was finally in front of her, slightly out of breath with a small smile on her lips, Holly felt her heart grew bigger with the beauty she witnessed. “Let me know when you get home.” Holly pressed the card on Karen’s hand, unable to resist giving it another squeeze before letting go and taking a step back.

Karen looked at the teacher for a few seconds, mesmerized by the smile on her face. Then she felt the card on her hand and looked at it. Her face brightened when she saw what was written, she looked up and grinned at Holly. “I will.”

Karen turned around again, but this time there was a spring to her step. She looked back at Holly and waved. Her smile grew bigger when she saw Holly waved back.

Holly watched her walk away again. When the younger girl turned the corner and she couldn’t see her anymore, Holly went inside her building. Inside her flat, she took of her coat before pulling out her phone from the bag, checking its battery and putting it on the coffee table in plain sight. Her mind was mess, but Holly knows that she will sleep with a smile on her lips tonight.


End file.
